從「壞習慣」到「習慣壞」

英文有一句話叫:“Old habits die hard”,意思是老習慣是很難去改的。

在網上搜索了一下,你會發現有很多人列出不同人的壞習慣。炯叔叔覺得壞習慣基本上可以分為兩種,一種是行為上的,另一種是性格/觀念上。

行為上的譬如說咬手指、無手尾、打噴嚏不掩鼻口、吃東西張開口「習習聲」、說話大聲。。。這些行為上的壞習慣基本上對你人生不會有很大的影響,只會令人討厭(當然,令人討厭有些時候也可以讓你萬劫不復)。
但性格/觀念上的就可大可小,可以影響你人生很大的。譬如說,胡適小說裡的「差不多先生」,魯迅的「阿Q」其實在這個年頭還是有很多的。

另外一種比較致命的性格/觀念的壞習慣就是人云亦云。炯叔叔發現在資訊那麼發達的年代,還是有很多人缺乏獨立思考/考證/研究能力,還是停留在「我聽誰誰誰說。。。」或者是「我覺得應該是。。。」。

悲哀!

炯叔叔很喜歡Gandhi的一句話:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

美國一個很出名的企業家Jason Fried在他的blog裡有一個小故事。這個故事有兩句話很打動我。

1)“You play like you practice. Practice sloppy and you’ll play sloppy.”

2)Skip steps now, you’ll skip them later. Cut corners now, you’ll cut them later. You get used to what you do most of the time.

你們看看他這個blog是這樣寫的

Back in high school my track coach would often get on me about my sloppy blockpractice. He’d say “You aren’t setting up in the blocks properly. You’rerushing it, just going through the motions.” I’d say “Why does it matter rightnow? I’m not racing anyone today. I’ll do it right at the meet this weekend.”

“I’ll tell you why it matters” he’d say, sternly. “You play like you practice.Practice sloppy and you’ll play sloppy.”

You’ll play like you practice. You’re not going to be sharp unless you practicebeing sharp. I’ve heard this again over the years.

A few years ago I took a self-defense class. At one point in the class, weworked with fake handguns. We each had a partner and we had to work on scenarioswhere a gun might be involved.

The instructor repeatedly said, “When your turn is over, do not hand the gun toyour partner. Instead, they’ll turn their back, and you’ll just drop it on theground so they can pick it up and start the exercise over.”

That sounded weird. You’re right next to the person, why would you drop the gunso they had to pick it up?

Without having to ask why, the instructor explained himself: “If you practicehanding the gun over to your partner now, you might end up handing the gun overto an actual assailant later. Don’t laugh, I’ve seen it happen.” Then he showedus surveillance camera footage of someone doing it in robbery.

It sounded ridiculous. Why would I ever give my gun to someone who’s attackingme? The answer is because if I practiced doing that earlier, I might do itlater.

When humans are in stressful situations, we tend to fall back on our practice.If I practiced handing my gun over, I might mindlessly fall back on that whenit mattered most. That would be bad.

Skip steps now, you’ll skip them later. Cut corners now, you’ll cut them later.You get used to what you do most of the time.

所以,在很多人眼中,炯叔叔對於Ally(之後會是Sean)某一些「小事」好像有一點「偏執狂」(Paranoia)。譬如說:

1)炯叔叔對於Ally讀字發音很注重的,因為這個是習慣。譬如說,英文的”th“音叔叔在Ally很小的時候就要她讀好,不要讀“f“音(亞洲人太容易犯的錯)。廣東話裡那些「懶音」我也會修正,我很討厭懶音的,譬如「咁典呀」、「痕生銀行」之類。至於普通話嘛。。。最好不要跟我學(說普通話像我就肯定有問題,哈哈哈)。

2)炯叔叔對於「因果關係」的概念很注重的。所以炯叔叔在Ally很小的時候我就問她和告訴她很多「為什麼?」。這個是一個很煩的做法但炯叔叔很想Ally明白,這世界上所有的東西有果必有因(當然現在不會跟她探討「第一因」那麼深奧的問題)。所以現在在Ally口中很多時候就是Why?Why?Why?

3)要配合(2),Ally一定需要有勇氣有習慣去問,不要怕事不要嫌煩。老實說,當Ally每一天問無數個Why的時候,可以是超級煩人的,尤其是當你在忙當你很累的時候,我也會想死。但無論怎麼樣,大原則是,千萬千萬千萬不能說:「就是這樣子的,沒有原因,跟爸爸做就行了!」。我曾經聽到關於Ally在學校裡的兩件事:

I)因為Ally經常問Why?,在學校裡一個老師嫌煩居然跟她說:「這世界不是所有的東西也需要問原因的」,炯叔叔之後就鄙視那個老師了。

II)班主任在教小孩一個事情,Ally居然在眾目睽睽下跟班主任說:「你錯了!(You are wrong)」因為她聽過我說的一個版本跟班主任說的不對。班主任曾經開玩笑的說Ally是一個”Trouble Maker“,炯叔叔聽完後沒有慌張沒有怪Ally,反過來覺得,Ally開始像樣了。

4)炯叔叔從Ally很小就要她自己動手做很多東西,自己拿著奶瓶,自己吃飯,自己穿鞋,自己穿衣服,自己洗澡,自己走路(在學校的老師/家長從來沒有看到過我用嬰兒車(Stroller) 接載Ally的)。。。無論她用多長時間做得多一塌糊塗沒關係,不單單因為這個是學習過程,更重要的是,這個是習慣!老實說,炯叔叔已經那麼老了,她(和以後Sean)一定要懂得和習慣性自理,不要靠我和炯太太。

(Ally一歲多就開始自己吃飯(炯叔叔不喜歡餵飯的),你們看看她可以吃到滿臉也是。。哈哈)

5)自己決定自己負責也是炯叔叔一直培養Ally的習慣。當說了n次妳還是要堅持的話,好,妳決定妳負責。譬如說,大冷天還是不肯穿外套的話,那麼妳覺得冷就是後果咯(對,炯叔叔比較狠心)。其實,這也是一種生活實驗的過程,跟懂得因果關係同一道理,只是附加了一個「出來混遲早要還」。

種瓜得瓜,種豆得豆。你們想你們的孩子有什麼習慣?

 

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